Meet Your Inner Critic:

The Little Voice Keeping You from Big Dreams

A few months ago, I came across an awesome read by best-selling author Tara Mohr. In her book, “Playing Big”, Tara gives women the tools and concepts to go for the gold. She notes that too many women fail to go for the life they want due to a deep-ingrained (and largely subconscious) fear of failure.

I believe that awareness of our problems is half the battle. (Think AA meetings: “My name is ​​________ and I’m an alcoholic.”) And often, the problem is us. We stand in our own way. Something whispers “yes” in our hearts, yet we’d rather listen to the other voice screaming “No, no, no!”

How do we address this other voice…this voice that “coincidentally” arises when considering a new relationship, a career change, or a new business?

We must face this other voice. It’s time to be aware (or BEWARE) of your inner critic!

Your Inner Critic

Have you met your inner critic?  We all have one.  She’s that side of you that

immediately halts your innovative ideas.  She finds reasons why they won’t work, or says you are incapable of doing them.  She can be harsh and mean, quick to remind you of your past failures and mistakes.

To help you identify it as a separate part of yourself, it’s helpful to name your inner critic.  For the sake of this blog, we will call her “Mildrew.”  (But don’t go around introducing her to your circle…you may get some confused stares!)

Are you ashamed of your body?  That’s old Mildrew at work.

Have you ever missed out on an opportunity because you felt you “weren’t ready?”  Thank Miss Mildrew for that one!

Mildrew wants you to lose more weight before wearing that bikini…to wait until you go back to school before launching your business…to put in another 5 years before even thinking about asking for a raise.

Mildrew will keep you stuck!  But…DON’T HATE HER!

Although she sounds terrible in my description above, Mildrew serves a noble purpose.  She is a part of you.  Her goal is to protect you from the disappointment that comes with failure.   She tries to make you change your body so that you will avoid the hurt of criticism and rejection by other people.

Though her intentions are good, she will stunt your growth if allowed…like an overprotective parent who never allows the child to leave home!

How to Live with Your Inner Critic

1. LIMIT HER REACH by becoming self-aware.  Recognize the moments when Mildrew flares up.  This is the first step to taming that inner critic.

2. Acknowledge her, but DON’T TAKE DIRECTIONS from her!                                       For example, you’re on the choir.  The lead singer on the choir gets sick the day before service.  Now you’re asked to do your first lead ever.  Your inner critic may say, “I can’t do that.  I need more time to prepare.  What if my voice cracks?  The whole church will be there.  That’s too much attention…BLAH BLAH BLAH.”         Rather than starting an internal battle, simply say “That’s just my inner critic, Ol’ Mildrew, talking.”  Then proceed to figure out how your will prepare for your solo debut.

3. DON’T ENGAGE WITH HER – You can’t kill Mildrew.  Remember— she’s a part of you. To fight her is to fight a part of yourself.  Instead, don’t engage with her at all. It’s like fighting with a stubborn sister.  You know she is set in her ways.  The more you go back and forth, the more intense and prolonged the battle becomes, right?  The louder you shout, the more she yells! But when you say to yourself, “That’s just my stubborn, hard-headed, crazy sister…” and leave it there, the battle eventually ends on its own.  Your acceptance disarms her. Y our battle with Mildrew is similar.  She will always be there, criticizing you in the name of protection.  Instead of fighting with her (yourself), accept her.  Understand her, and move on.  Refuse to take heed of her harsh criticisms and evaluations

The world is already hard on us…there’s no need to beat yourself up, too!  That’s why I think being aware of our inner critic is one key to “playing big” in life.

So, how will you deal with YOUR Mildrew?

 Kaity Rodriguez, MSW, LCSW, is a licensed psychotherapist and the founder of Serenity Wellness and Therapy Services, located in Fairfield, NJ.  The NYU graduate specializes in treating stress and anxiety related disorders.  As a former Miss New Jersey USA, Kaity also uses personal experiences, combined with solid counseling skills to coach women and girls experiencing self-esteem and confidence challenges. Click here to book a session with Kaity.